Chapter 1: The Accident

On the morning of July 31st, 2009 life was as it should be.  It was a near perfect summer morning, not a cloud in the sky, low humidity and that fresh air feeling that comes the morning after a heavy summer rain storm.  On this particular morning, my eldest son Kevin was “chill-axing” at home, having just finished a summer internship. He worked as a recruiter for technology professionals.  This was clearly out of his comfort zone, but he did well.  Kevin comes from the social media generation; text, Facebook, e-mail, etc.  Getting on the phone with candidates to discuss career opportunities was not exactly his thing. 
 
In just two weeks he would be returning to Villanova University.  He successfully completed his freshman year in a difficult electrical engineering curriculum, but more importantly he was developing into a wonderful young man, the pride and joy of any parent.  He tutored inner city kids in math and science, got involved in campus ministry, and applied and was accepted into the Christian Service dorm for his sophomore year.   Sure, he liked to project the snowboarder persona and would wear his jeans down around his butt with his underwear sticking out.  Then there was this on-going dialogue about getting dread locks, but I remember thinking that Kevin was on the good path, one down and three to go.
 
At about 11am that morning I got the call.  It’s the call that every parent dreads.  You’re son has been in an accident.  Is he OK?  We’re not sure.  Where is he?  He’s been rushed to the hospital.  Is he OK?  You better get over there right away.  At first I thought it was a car accident, but when I found out he was injured skateboarding, I figured he might have broken an arm or a leg.  I remember hoping that this would not interfere with the start of his second year at college.  Little did I know that my eldest son’s life was in jeopardy.  When I got to the hospital and was met by our pastor. I knew that this was more serious than I had anticipated. 
 
In retrospect the sequence of events following Kevin’s fall were nothing short of miraculous.  Later, I had someone tell me that a small army of angels were at Kevin’s side the instant the accident took place.  How someone would know such things was beyond my comprehension, but as a parent at risk of losing my son I found the information comforting.  I’ve always believed in heaven, but I never really considered how actions in heaven can be coordinated with events here on earth, particularly during a crisis.  I can’t begin to imagine how angels organize in an emergency, but I’m sure they mobilize with army commando like precision when called upon.  For whatever reason God had not prevented this accident from happening, yet I believe He sent His angels to save Kevin from the snare of death.  His time had not yet come, and though all odds were against him he ended up surviving a traumatic brain injury to the brain stem.  Clearly God had other plans for Kevin Michael Kret.   What those plans would be we could only imagine.
 
I have come to believe that angels work through and alongside humans during a crisis.  We call it coincidence or uncanny luck, but sometimes things happen that simply defy logic.  Kevin’s fall took place about seven houses up the street from where we live. It’s not a busy street so an accident occurring on a sleepy summer morning could have easily gone undetected.  Fortunately, a neighbor saw the whole incident.  Kevin took his skateboard to the top of the hill and began the descent back towards our home.  The storm the night before left broken branches and debris in the road.   As Kevin negotiated the curve at the bottom of the hill he must have hit one of those branches and went flying.  Our neighbor had a cell phone handy and immediately called 911. 
 
The rescue that followed amazes me to this day.  Kevin’s friend Eric was an EMT at the time.  Eric lived in the house adjacent to where Kevin hit the pavement and directly next door to the neighbor who called 911.  Eric was just getting off from an extended EMT shift, but frequently left his emergency radio on to listen to 911 calls.  He miraculously heard the dispatch that followed the 911 call made by his next door neighbor, and was shocked to hear that an accident had just taken place on the street where he lived.  He went outside, found Kevin lying on the pavement and began administering first aid.  Eric called for help and that’s when the second miracle occurred. Two of Kevin’s high school classmates, also EMTs, were in an ambulance just blocks away from the accident, returning from another emergency.  They got the call and rushed to the scene.  They stabilized Kevin the best they could and took him to the regional trauma center, Jersey Shore University Medical Center.
 
Kevin’s accident resulted in a traumatic brain injury to an area of the brain that is not duplicated, the brain stem.  We would learn that the brain stem controls some of the most basic life functions like breathing, temperature, heart rate and consciousness.  The first gut wrenching decision we were asked to make concerned how aggressive should we be in attempting to save Kevin’s life.  It seemed strange to me that in our society we generally agree that is wrong and usually unlawful to take a life, but we are not required to sustain a life. That’s a choice to be made by individuals or their legal guardians.  The unspoken message was clear.  Even if Kevin survived, the prognosis for a full recovery in these cases is very low, almost zero probability.   While my wife and I simultaneously responded, “do everything you possibly can,” there was a phrase that we heard over and over again, “the prognosis is not good.”  Later we would find that Kevin suffered a very serious type of brain stem injury called Duret’s Hemorrhage.   I couldn’t find anyone through Internet searches that ever recovered from such an injury.  We planned to be the first. 
 
We decided to have Kevin’s frontal skullcap removed to relieve the pressure that the swelling brain was creating against his skull.  The procedure, called a craniotomy, was a success and saved Kevin’s life.  Next we needed to deal with the collateral damage.  We had a tube inserted at the base of his neck to help him breathe called a trache, another tube in his stomach called a g-tube to feed him, and a filter like device in his large vein to catch any blood clots that might arise.  His basic life sustaining functions began to stabilize, but the fluid in his brain was building up so the final step was to put a valve called a shunt in his brain with a tube that connected the brain to the stomach; the same procedure my father had done following his brain injury.  The shunt could be adjusted as fluids collected in the brain and drained as needed.  The emergency care phase of Kevin’s injury was complete.  He was alive. The doctors, nurses and support staff at Jersey Shore were the most caring and supportive people that I have ever encountered.  They saved my son’s life.  Next, we waited and prayed.

Chapter 2: Caringbridge - Connecting the Faithful

The days and weeks that followed at Jersey Shore Medical Center were some of the most grueling and memorable of our lives.  Kevin was unable to control many of life’s most basic functions; body temperature, heart rate, and blood oxygen levels.  At times his temperature would rise to 106 and ice blankets had to be administered to help control these thermal imbalances.  His heart rate would exceed 150 beats per minute and his blood oxygen would fall in the 80s, dangerously low.  We held vigil with Kevin 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  Our batteries were running on empty.
 
The hospital staff was amazing.  They gave us a dedicated waiting room where family, loved ones, and most importantly, Kevin’s closest friends would come night and day to show their support.  They sang songs, made wristbands, and played board games, but what we remember most is that we all continuously prayed for Kevin.  You could feel the energy in the room when we prayed and few wanted to leave and go home.  People of many different faiths were single minded in our goal which was to beg and plead with God Almighty to spare our beloved Kevin and return him to health.
 
God gave us a gift by leading us to Caringbridge.  Caringbridge is a website that enables patients, families and loved ones to communicate. A friend named Lisa came into the waiting room at the hospital about a week after the accident.  She was very excited.  You have to look at this she told us and she proceeded to give us the instructions to login to the website.  Little did we know that for the next several years, Caringbridge would become as much a part of our daily routine as brushing teeth.  My wife Joan and I alternated writing to Kevin with our children occasionally contributing.  In the first year after the accident our family entered about 300 journal entries.  Friends and family posted over 3000 Guestbook entries, and there were over 300,000 visits to the website to check in on Kevin’s wellbeing.  Here are some of the first entries we wrote just after the accident occurred.
 
Thursday, August 6, 2009 11:08 PM
Kevin's temperature is still on a bit of a roller coaster ride.  They tell us that this is common with brain injuries.  We also started some antibiotics for a slight infection.  Hopefully Kevin’s brain will get used to regulating temperature and the antibiotics will help get rid of the infection.   He is still breathing above the ventilator.  Today we started physical therapy on his legs and arms to keep his muscles flexible.
 
Tomorrow we will put in a trache to help him get off the ventilator and a feeding tube so we can remove all of the tubes entering his mouth.  Hopefully this will make him more comfortable. We are starting to look at acute rehab centers such as Kessler in West Orange, JFK in Edison, the Children’s Hospital in New Brunswick and the Moss Clinic in Philadelphia.
 
Thank you for all your prayers, gifts and well wishes.  The Kret family is eternally grateful.  I especially want to thank the group of teens that have been holding vigil at the hospital.  There are 20-30 teens that have been our rock.   They play games, say the rosary, make wristbands and collages for Kevin, and somehow intuitively know how to get a positive response from Kevin.    With support like this I'm sure we will prevail.  Someone caught me in the hall and said, "Mike - where there's life there's hope."  How true.
 
It’s hard to describe the impact that Caringbridge had on our family, and on the scores of friends and a good number of strangers that shared with us their genuine concern, heartfelt prayers and most of all their love for Kevin.  About a week after the accident I thought we were going to lose Kevin.  I was at wits end.  His temperature hit 106 and nothing seemed to bring it down.  I turned to Caringbridge.  I asked everyone that was following Kevin’s progress to pray.  It was during this time we coined the phrase “Storm Heaven for Kevin”.  His temperature eventually came down and people continue to “Storm Heaven for Kevin” to this day.
 
Friday, August 7, 2009 7:07 PM
Please pray for Kevin.  He had the procedures done today that I described in yesterday's entry.  Everything went fine but now his fever has spiked again, sometimes reaching 105-106 degrees.  We need the fever to come down for healing to be possible.  We've tried all medical options, Tylenol, ice baths, cooling blankets etc.  All faiths believe in the power of prayer so we are asking you all to please “Storm Heaven for Kevin.”
 
Monday, August 10, 2009 7:30 AM
Our prayers are working!!  On Sunday August 9th Kevin had a very good day.  He maintained a temperature between 98 and 100 for most of the day.  In the early afternoon they took him off the ventilator and he is breathing entirely on his own.  The nurse also recorded an increase in response to pinching.   All of these are important in getting Kevin into the best rehabilitation program possible.  I will start visiting some of these centers this week.
 
The support of our family, friends and the staff at Jersey Shore Medical Center is truly humbling.  The nurses are amazing, each one attending to both Kevin and us with compassion.  Kevin's friends continue to bring us strength as they pray, play cards, make crafts and give our other children a break by taking them to get a bite to eat.
 
Continue to pray for Kevin every day. "Where there's life there's hope."
 
Friday, August 14, 2009 7:56 AM
Kevin had another good day yesterday; temperature stable, breathing well, and looks great.  It's hard to believe it’s been two weeks since the accident.  He has come a long way and we are truly grateful to the doctors, nurses and staff at Jersey Shore Medical Center.  We can't thank them enough.
 
Joan and I met with the doctors from each of the rehab centers and we will need to make a decision with the expectation that Kevin will be transferred sometime next week.  With the options we have we really can't make a bad choice.  It feels like the college selection process we just recently went through with Kevin.  Eventually we picked Villanova University because it just felt right. Likewise, I'm sure we will find the right rehab center for the next stage of our journey.
 
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 10:37 AM
We just got the word.  Kevin will be heading to Kessler later this morning to begin rehab.  Thank God, and thank you for all your prayers!!!
 
We can't express our appreciation to all the staff at Jersey Shore.  They did their job and gave Kevin the opportunity to take this next step in his/our journey.
 
Caringbridge filled for us one of the most basic human needs; to share our suffering with others who care.  At first our entries were primarily informational.  As time went on the entries became much more personal. Eventually they evolved into a way for us to communicate directly with Kevin.  I don’t believe we would have survived the whole ordeal without the love and support that our community was able to provide through Caringbridge.  Throughout our children’s lives Joan kept a journal speaking to each of them in a very personal way.  Now she and I were communicating with Kevin while hundreds, maybe thousands, “tuned in”.  Being a private person I was not sure how I felt about opening up our lives on-line during this very stressful time.  As time went on I realized that Caringbridge became a vehicle for God to do his thing, connect his faithful when we needed each other most.
 
The connections Caringbridge enabled were not one directional.  Through a feature in Caringbridge called Guestbook our friends and family were given a vehicle to communicate with us at a time when getting in touch with us was nearly impossible.  Early on many of the messages were expressions of concern, commitment to prayer and offers for assistance with the daily challenges that come with caring for a loved one in the hospital.  The following is an example of the kind of messages we would receive daily.  It is quite simple, but in many ways prophetic.
 
Thursday, August 6, 2009 7:42 AM
Dear Kret Family,
You have touched many lives through your caring outreach in very many ways.  I say this to remind you of all the people who have a connection to you, and we are with you in spirit.  Prayers are our greatest gift.  Prayers and thoughts from my heart are holding you up and hoping for our good God to be glorified through this great trial.
 
The following entry began a turning point in how we approached our daily Caringbridge journal entries.  Joan led the charge in asking us all to direct our communications to Kevin rather than each other.  That way, when Kevin “woke up” he would be able to recapture the time he spent unconscious.
 
Friday, August 21, 2009 2:24 PM
Today Kevin would have been back at Villanova.  I remember last year when we dropped him off, how hard it was to say goodbye even for such a short time.  This year is different.  He is "away" for now and hopefully also for a short time.  
 
Last year when he went to college I told him that I would email him every day.  He didn't have to reply to each and every e-mail.  I just wanted to keep him connected with what we were doing and how much we loved him.  Sometimes he replied, sometimes he sent text messages, and sometimes I didn't hear from him for a couple of days.  But I always emailed.  Then one day I was very busy and did not email.  He replied "no email today?"
 
So I thought that in our journal entries, we would keep you all up-to-date with entries directed to Kevin.   That way, when he wakes up, he can read them all and feel connected with all of our lives.    K? 
 
By the end of August every entry in Caringbridge was directed to Kevin, whether it came from us or from the hundreds of individuals who wanted some way to communicate with Kevin.  The next entry was the very first message sent from mother to son.
 
Saturday, August 22, 2009 6:18 PM
Hi Kev,
If you were at school I would ask, “How's it going?” But then you're not at school, and I know how it’s going because I watch you every second.  I know how you are doing because I ask the nurses and doctors lots of questions.  You are a fighter Kevin!  You are ready for this.  You have come so far.  Right now, I know that God is keeping you company and that you are ok.  I was worried that you might be in pain, but as Aunt Rosemarie said, "I am not a doctor but I truly believe in my heart that our beautiful Kevin is not in pain.  We are all in pain but he is not."  As long as I know that, then I know that we can do this!  – Love, Mom
 

Chapter 3: A Message in a Bottle

Caringbridge, gave us a way to communicate with Kevin.  Still, we yearned for some way for Kevin to communicate with us.  That’s when God gave us another extraordinary gift. One night, after a long day at the hospital, I found myself in Kevin’s room going through his things to feel his presence, to smell his smell, to sense his spirit.   In one of his drawers I found a small green and yellow notebook covered with an assortment of stickers.  It was like finding a message in a bottle while stranded on a desert island.   Evidently, Kevin kept a journal during his freshman year at college.  He had been struggling with the adjustment of living away from home and decided to write down his thoughts and feelings at the recommendation of a close friend. As parents we tend to think we know our children.  Of course sometimes we try to ignore the indiscretions and hope they are only a stage.  They will grow out of it we say to ourselves.  At first, I wasn’t sure I wanted to read his private thoughts, especially when we were most vulnerable. Would he be disappointed in us as parents?   Did we really want to know what was going on at college as Kevin exercised his newly acquired freedom?  Under the circumstances I had to read on.
 
Kevin’s journal was quite different from what we expected.  We always knew he was a very spiritual young man, not easily influenced by the flavor of the day.  We had only a glimpse into of the depth of his conscience and the purity of his heart.  His journal gave my wife and me a gift beyond measure at a time when we needed it most.  He covered many topics; mother, father, music, friendship, and girls.  We felt like we were looking through a window, but the window was locked.  It was both exhilarating and frustrating.  Our challenge was clear.  We had to find a way to open that window once again.
 
Joan and I were reluctant to share the journal at first thinking it was way too personal.  Starting in September we began to introduce some of Kevin’s quotes from the journal in our Caringbridge entries.  By the end of 2009 we were sharing many of his thoughts and messages.   The community of believers that had rallied around Kevin’s recovery needed to know the kind of person this young man had become in just 19 years, and we believed that telling his story would become instrumental in his and our recovery.  Joan again took the lead.  This was one of the first entries that indirectly references Kevin’s journal.
 
Saturday, September 26, 2009 5:24 PM
Hi Kev – It’s Mom
Autumn is officially here.  Autumn is a good time to reset priorities as well as set new goals.   One of my goals this fall is to keep balance.  You, more than anyone, have always kept good balance in life.  Somehow, you were able to balance schoolwork, fun, relaxing, working out, spending time with family, spending time with friends and your spiritual life better than most people I know.   So you will understand best that during this time, we need to try and maintain some sort of balance.  Just because we are not with you all the time, does not mean you are far from our thoughts. 
 
You wrote us when you were away at school.   How precious your words are to us now.  That is what I miss most, your words of encouragement, your words of advice, and your words of compassion, so I will remind you at times of your own words when we need them most.   
 
You wrote, "I have a theory:  Life is all about ratios and balance.  It works.  Think about it."    Yes Kevin, it does work and we will think about it. – Love you, Mom
 
My approach was to devour Kevin’s entire 26 page notebook in one sitting.  I couldn’t put it down.  My wife Joan liked to randomly open a page and let the entry be a message to savor through the course of the day.  Here is how Joan describes the night I found Kevin’s journal.
 
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 10:37 PM
Dear Kevin – It’s Mom
So Daddy told you he found your notebook. The Saturday night after your accident while I was being made aware of the hard reality of your condition, Daddy was at home taking care of the kids and was lying on your bed.  From God's hands to his, he found your book and read it cover to cover that night.  When I saw him the next morning, I melted in his arms with grief as I relayed the doctor's diagnosis.  By the way, I have never loved Daddy more than that moment because I knew we shared something so profound in our love for you.  He looked at me and said you left us a "gift".  That gift was your words.  I was immediately comforted simply because you left us your words.  We will treasure them always.  Thank you for that.
 
But now I can't help but want for more.  More words, whether they are with your voice, your hands or even a thumbs up.  We can only hope and pray for you to be able to communicate with us, some way, somehow.
 
I remember Thanksgiving last year when we were going around the table saying something that we were thankful for.  I said I was thankful God gives us the gift of sleep because inevitably, things look better in the morning and we can start all over.  Ironically, the other night I was very sad and opened up your notebook randomly.  This is what I read: 
 
"My Mom said in a text message whenever I have a bad day to remember that tomorrow is another day and bound to be better.  I don't know what I would do without her."    
 
Well, first of all, Daddy and I will always be here for you.  And second, tomorrow will be a better day, and every day with you is a gift to be thankful for. Now, about that gift of sleep, good night Kevin and we’ll see you in the morning. – Love, Mom
 
Two entries in Kevin’s journal are as precious to us as life itself.  One describes Kevin’s deep love for his mother and the other expresses his feelings towards me.  The words speak for themselves.  Here’s the first journal entry Kevin wrote concerning Joan.
 
“The one person I have come to believe that I love the most on this earth is my Mom.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad so much, maybe even the same as my Mom. But it’s just that there is something about my Mom.  She is so amazing and I don’t know how she does it.  Everyone she meets she treats with such respect.  She follows her faith without ever slipping up.  She is simply the most compassionate, caring, loving, holy person I have ever known.  She would seriously do anything for me without hesitation.  I can’t believe how blessed I am to be given someone as amazing as my mother.  She is so easy to make happy.  Everyone says that you grow up to marry someone like your mother; well I hope that this is true.  I thank God every day for my Mom.” – Kevin
 
He also had an entry called Padre, a message that is forever written in my heart.
 
“It is unbelievable how much my Dad does for me.  He provides for my family.  He assists Mom in dealing with our problems.  And I can tell that he is always thinking of us.  If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be at Villanova.  He helped me so much in the college application process.  I am so undeserving of all that my parents do for me.  I will try my hardest to let them know they are appreciated and try to make them happy. 
 
My Dad is such a great man.  He is a success story.  He made a lot of money from nothing.  But most importantly, just as my Mom, he is very spiritual.  He does his best to please God and be active in the parish community.  He has a very deep mind too.  He’s so smart.  I feel like I can have very philosophical, psychological conversations with him.  I can and have learned a lot from him. 
 
Another big aspect of my father is music.  He is a talented guitar player.  He has made a plethora of songs that are really good.  I remember he would play to me and my brother every night to put us to sleep.  That was special to me.  We have recently started listening to the same music.  I made a CD for my Mom and she burnt a copy for him, which I can tell he loves.  He is going to teach me how to play the guitar this summer. 
 
I also love when my Dad comes to visit or pick me up from school.  It is a special time when we can just talk.  It’s different than being at home.  It’s special.   He takes me out to get some food and we just talk like friends.  God, I love my Dad and I pray that you bless him.  I love him so much.  I love our deep conversations and the time we spend together.  I love the long car rides to and from school when it is just me and him.  I just want to thank you God for my father and his time spent with me.  I love you Dad” – Kevin
 

Chapter 4: WHO AM I?

Like most teenagers, Kevin was in the process of figuring out his identity.  Many of the entries in his journal described that struggle.  After the accident our whole community was doing some serious soul searching.  Ironically it was Kevin’s words that brought both answers and comfort to us.
 
Tuesday, December 15, 2009 1:29 AM
Kevin – It’s Mom
I have spent the last four months confused about how to pray.  On one hand, I beg and plead with God for your recovery and on the other, I pray for strength and courage to accept God's will.   Sometimes, I don't pray at all because I feel that every moment we are offering up our suffering and no words or thoughts are necessary. 
 
Kevin, this is the most difficult time in my life, yet I feel closer to God than ever. I believe that our sole purpose here is to earn our way to heaven and to be with God eternally.    So I am comforted by the fact that you were in a good place before your accident.  You were and are close to God. 
 
As you said, "I will simply try my hardest and be happy with however I turn out because God is my Providence." 
 
You are wise beyond your years.  You are a deep, spiritual person who held onto your faith even with the temptations of this crazy world we live in.  It’s not easy these days.  We know that.  It wasn't easy when we were young either.  And yes, we were young once, believe it or not.
 
So Kevin, right now you are in a better place than most of us.  You are close to God.  I hope you can talk to Him in your mind.  I ask you to pray for us.  Ask God to help us through these difficult days.  Talk to Him often.  He loves you even more than we do! And we love you a lot – Mom
 
The first page of Kevin’s journal starts out with the following entry entitled “Lost”.  The entry floored us when we first read it.  It demonstrates great wisdom for someone so young, and as it turns out, Kevin’s entry was quite prophetic.
 
“I don’t feel lost.  What is being lost?  It is not knowing where you are and being unfamiliar with your surroundings, including people.  But I never really feel like that.  Sometimes I feel lonely at school, but I also know that I have many amazing friends and my family back home.  Most of all, I can always lean on God.  I am so glad I have my faith.  It is the one thing I know no one can take from me.  Even if I was locked up in a prison, no one could take God from me.” – Kevin 
 
Who was Kevin Kret at the tender age of 19 years?  Like most of us he was a work in progress, a young man with incredible potential, insecurities, and great faith.  It’s better to hear it in Kevin’s words.
 
“WHO AM I?  I need to start off with an examination of my former self.  So who was I or how did I see myself in the past?  I used to think I was a loser.  I had severe acne.  I was not the most popular kid.  Girls didn’t like me.  I defined myself by the things I had and I didn’t have much so I saw myself as “un-cool.”  However I considered myself to be very close to God.  I prayed every night.  I tried to make God the center of my life.  I was proud of this.  I was also a pretty smart kid and did well in school. 
 
So what changed from that?  I started hanging out with girls more and had some prospects.  My acne slowly, very slowly, began to clear up which gave me more confidence.  Then I had my first girlfriend at the beginning of my senior year of high school.   I don’t know if this really changed me, but it opened my eyes to things.  I still did pretty well in school, but now I had other things to think about.  I was still holding on to my faith.   I was considerably less strict about how I prayed, but I still prayed every night. 
 
Does this define me?  How do I define myself?  How do I know who I am?  I think I’m a pretty good kid.  Other people say I’m a pretty good kid.  Am I? Should I define myself by what they say?  I do some things that other people say are good.  Does that make me a good person?  What about my style?  Am I defined by what I look like, my hair, my clothes, and my “sway”? Do these define me?  Or is it how I think?  Do my thoughts, feelings, reactions, and decisions make me?  I think that it is everything combined.  This is why it’s so hard to know someone.  There is so much to know.
 
I am who I am.  But who do I want to be?  In short I primarily want to be close to God, a man of great faith.  I know that sounds cliché, and unreal, but I honestly want to keep my beliefs no matter who I become or how much I change.  Besides that, I want to look good, feel good and play good.  I want to be happy with my body, confident about my life, and successful financially.  BUT, one thing my good friend George told me was that he hated how everyone's life revolves around money.  Well, I'm not going to worry about it.  I will simply try my hardest and be happy with however I turn out because God is my Providence.” – Kevin
 
During his freshman year at Villanova Kevin began studying the great philosophers and mystics as part of his “Ancients” course.  Our topics of conversation changed dramatically from his high school days.  Kevin truly cared about the things that are important in life; integrity, relationships, being a good son, brother, and friend. 
 
“I want to have a real talk with my Mom and Dad.  I want to take them out to the Red Bank Diner, sit in the back and tell them, honestly the person I am, holding nothing back.  I will completely empty out my heart and soul to them.  It will be a crazy catharsis.
…
I want them to know who I really am in the case of a tragedy.  That’s what brought this about.  I was thinking, what would people think about me if I died right now?  And I want my parents to know who I am.”– Kevin 
 
We never made it to Red Bank Diner, but we did go to New York with Kevin several months before his accident.  We had a real heart to heart conversation with him and covered many of the topics that Kevin speaks about in his journal.  We thank God for giving us the opportunity to interact with our Kevin as an adult, and to appreciate the wonderful young man he had become.
 

Chapter 5: The Roadmap

When I was 21 years old I had a very serious eye accident.  That accident was the intro course I needed to help guide me in making choices regarding Kevin’s care.  From the eye accident I learned that long-term medical recovery takes patience and faith, and no one really knows what path the journey might take. A local ophthalmologist had the foresight to realize my condition was beyond his relevant experience.  He sent me to Wills Eye Hospital in Philadelphia.  Four eye operations later the doctors at Wills were able to save my eye and some of the vision. Over 30 years later I still expect that one day God, through science, will completely restore my vision. 
 
Fortunately, we have a close friend well acquainted with traumatic brain injury or (TBI). She recommended four top acute rehab facilities for Kevin in our area and took us through the ins and outs of TBI medical care.  She encouraged us to apply for a number of state aid programs early in the process.  It’s the last thing a parent wants to think about during a tragedy, but we were quite fortunate that we took her advice.
 
The roadmap for coma patients is in large part defined by what medical insurance allows.  In the event the patient survives, the goal of the hospital is stabilize and discharge.   Stabilization is an exercise in mechanical engineering.  If there is a respiratory problem, insert a tube called a trache at the base of the neck to allow for better air flow.  If the patient can’t eat by themselves insert a G-tube to allow for liquid feeding that includes all the nutrients they need to live.  If they are unable to urinate, insert a catheter to empty the bladder.  Concerned about blood clots?  Insert a filter in the large vein to collect them before they make their way to the heart which could be fatal.  If pressure is building up in the brain, insert a shunt that acts as a drain for the fluids to flow from the brain into the stomach.  All pretty basic stuff, but all lifesaving.
 
Once the patient is stabilized they are usually allowed one to two months of acute rehab.  Acute rehab means intensive physical, occupational and speech therapy, sometimes as much as six to eight hours per day.  During acute rehab the patient must show measurable progress to continue.   There are numerous coma scales that are used to measure progress.  Unfortunately, there are a number of patients that are misdiagnosed based on these scales.  Kevin was one of them.  Some individuals with severe disorders of consciousness are actually locked-in.  While they can’t respond they are quite aware of their surroundings.  These poor souls usually wind up in nursing homes assumed to be unaware of their existence.
 
Typically, after several months of acute therapy coma victims move on to sub-acute or nursing homes.  In sub-acute rehab the patient usually gets one to two hours of therapy and the families are prepared for making the tough decisions, either find a suitable nursing home that can accommodate the unique challenges of someone unconscious, or take on the challenge of caring for the loved one at home.  That of course, is if pneumonia, a urinary tract infection or chronic bed sores, sometime unavoidable in institutions, prematurely takes the life of the patient.
 
I visited each of the centers and had to make a decision.  I prayed and asked God for help.  At my visit to the Kessler Institute I ran into a young man named Chris and his father.  Chris was recovering from a very serious brain injury.   I had never met Chris before, but ironically, Kevin and Chris were friends.  They had actually met at our vacation home in Pennsylvania. Chris had been in a coma and eventually recovered as a result of the care he received at Kessler.  He was planning on returning to college in the fall.  That was enough for me.  God had given us the direction we needed.   Kevin was going to Kessler.  We had a period of time when we weren’t sure a bed would be available for Kevin, but God took care of that little issue.   Kevin was given the same room and bed that had been occupied by Chris just months before, just one of the many coincidences, but we’ll get to that in a later chapter.